~MINDLESS MEANDERINGS OF A MANDY~
I really despise winter. It's so yucky...I don't mind the cold nearly as much as I mind the rain when I'm on my walk to class every morning. It's a damn wonder that I havn't missed a class yet. I guess I've kidded myself into believing that my professors would actually miss me and be hurt if I didn't show up. Oh to be in denial. I guess whatever gets me there makes it worth it though.
Something is going on with me and it's hard to put into words, but I'll try using some illustrations. Every day of my life I can hear my biography being written. There is this voice-over in my head when I walk around UK...it's so werid. I feel like at some point in my life I am meant to write something or do something that will make someone want to research my history and uncover my motives for things. They will go to the places I used to live and think "this is where she was when she was 19 years old and going through a transition." Maybe this is all part of my ego...maybe I'm just assuming that I'll be much greater than I am. Something tells me though that someone will find this journal entry someday and feel like they've hit a goldmine. "She knew all along," they will write.
Here's another illustration. When I read things that inspire me...other people's biographies or what they've written...I get so stirred up. I'm ready to pounce on whatever it is that I'm supposed to do. This leaves me frustrated because as of yet, I have no idea what I am meant for. I have a lot of misdirected energy. I feel underchallenged and uninspired here. I look at some of the kids in my classes and think of what the future holds for them. They'll get desk jobs and work 9-5 for about 30 years and then retire with some sort of company pension. They don't care about any real issues...they want to make the best grades they can while attending the least amount of classes. If you ask a question in class, they roll their eyes because it means they might have to spend an extra five minutes learning instead of drinking and partying. Apathy is the general mood of this campus, and it makes me livid. Absolutely livid.
What am I do to about it though? Start looking for a graduate school I suppose. When I graduate from UK, one of two things will happen. Either I will feel like I need a better education but I will be too burned out to care, or I will feel like I need a better education and I will pursue it. I really hope the latter is true. Does anyone know of any good east coast grad schools for journalism or women's studies? Please email me if you have any ideas.
QOD>>"I know I can't be the only whatever I am in the room." - Ani Difranco...who else?
mandypants [12:20 PM]
Fall Semester Emo
Well kids, it's officially fall now...my favorite time of year except for the allergies. Classes are in full swing...and Chris has come and gone again. I'm not sad this time though b/c I am GOING to England, by God. I've been working on getting my international study paperwork filled out. There's a mountain of things to be done...thank goodness I have a few months to work on it. I'm sitting her in Starbucks drinking a Tazo and Cream...I've got a brain freeze. Life is good.
I'm so serious...I feel better today than I have in a long ass time. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and I've got a ton of studying to do. Life makes sense. I may not be exactly where I want to be or with who I want to be with, but I'm heading that direction and that's the best I can do right now. I'm gonna be ok.
I went on an International Studies retreat this past weekend that changed my life. I never realized how closed minded I am...how I think the way I do because I was raised to. It really made me reconsider a lot of things about myself. Don't get me wrong, I like who I am, but there's always room for growth and change as long as you're alive.
Song of the Day: Hotel Yorba, by the White Stripes
Country of the Day: Germany...my buddy Tanja is from there and she's cool as hell...she has the most amazing laugh...
Plant of the Day: Ani, my aloe plant...she's been sick but I think I'm bringing her back ever so slowly. She's a trooper.
Professor of the Day: Donnelly...my Marketing 300 prof...he tells the best stories!
Invention of the Day: post-it notes...how useful are they?
Word of the Day: DORK
Sidenote...I love Chris!
mandypants [12:12 PM]
Freaked Out Friday
Ok, I'm sitting in my new room...sort of unpacked, sort of still boxed up. My bed is freakin awesome...so damn comfortable I want to eat it! It's like a big ass marshmallow. Sweet. I'm sitting here listening to The White Stripes and Luscious Jackson having my own spectacular little Mandy party. Kasey won't be moving in until August 15th...maybe later b/c apparently she's in love with some amazing fellow and wants to spend every moment with him until she has to come up for school. I don't blame her at all; I'd be doing the same damn thing if I could. Unfortunately, my honey is half a world away and so I just sit here and work on this friggin webpage. I'd go out, but Becca is at some sorority thing this weekend and everyone else is at home. Lexington is mine once again.
How do you know when you're grown up? When you own a hammer, you are a true adult. I bought a hammer today. Well, that and a 5" level, a few various size screw drivers, and other random tools that I needed to start piecing my room together. It's so weird. I think the last time I used a hammer was a few years ago working on a Habitat for Humanity house. I remember asking my dad if I could borrow his hammer b/c I was going to be nailing stuff that day and he just gave me this look like "What would a girl want with a hammer?" Needless to say, I single-handedly built 4,236 houses that day and didn't even stop for luch. *gives father the finger*
Anyway, I used my cute little hammer today to put up my dry erase/bulliten board. I feel so organized. There's nothing like a good dry erase board. They're so convenient!
There's this weird ledge thingee on my ceiling...like two different levels of ceiling. It stops about 3 feet into the room and I can't decide what to hang on it. It would be a great place for Christmas lights...maybe some little white ones, but that is SO dorm room and I'm trying to think of something a bit more original. If anyone has any useful ideas (especially if you are from TLC and want to come decorate my room) just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
My room faces the street...I had no idea how busy Waller is! I also have figured out that trains come like every 15 minutes or so. It's so fucking cool...they're half a block away and it sounds like they're coming straight for me! I love hearing them...it sounds like home...there are trains EVERYWHERE in Paducah.
OK, I really doubt that anyone is reading this and I'm just killing time so I'll sign off now. Geez...get off my back. I'm bored. Kiss my ass!
mandypants [8:07 PM]
Sunshine on my shoulder makes me LIVID
You wouldn't believe how hot it is here. It feels like a fucking desert. Kentucky sucks. It's always either too hot, too humid, too cold, or just plain ugly. I'm in a great mood, can you tell?
Adventures in WildcatLandSo apparently, one of my friends is dating a UK basketball player (casually). They shall both remain nameless because quite frankly, I don't feel like getting my ass kicked. I've never been a big fan of basketball, but I think this is sort of weird. It freaks me out. I say go for it girl...get some good seats and milk it for all it's worth! Next stop...the NBA!
He doesn't do drugs...?I was reading in Rolling Stone yesterday over lunch that Chris Carraba (frontman of Dashboard Confessional, or DC as we Emonerds like to call it) has never done any sort of drugs. He "has a beer every two weeks or so" and isn't really into that scene. My God, I think I've found one other person on earth with the same partying habits as I have! Another neat fact about Chris....his sleeved tattoos are mirror images of each other. Apparently he's really into symmetry. I can dig that. Damn, I want to hang out with him. I'd kill for an interview...just one quick hour to pick his brain and ask him some really intense questions. I guess I shouldn't ask for more than that hug I got last fall, but I didn't get to talk to him as much as I'd like to. I'll kick his ass if he doesn't remember the girl that pinned him in Cincinatti if I get to interview him. Or maybe I'll just sing really loud to Swiss Army Romance in my car for the rest of my life. A girl can dream, can't she?
Song of the Day Saints and Sailors by...who else...DC...*she sings*..."and I don't believe that I'm getting any better..."
Government blunder of the day This is for that chick who went to UK and got called into active duty in the military last fall after 9.11. She was pulled from UK to go serve her country and then that same government that had asked her to serve took away her grants, scholarships, and tuition. Now, UK claims that she owes some $700 in make-up tuition for the classes that she never even got to complete. What the fuck, Uncle Sam? Don't bite the hand that feeds you...
mandypants [3:36 PM]
Pissing off people in the Willy T.
I just read Chris Records webpage (http://billyfro.blogspot.com) and I am laughing so fucking hard that I have severly pissed off everyone around me working on their final papers. Damn that kid is sick. Some of the paragraph long rants he comes up with sound like he has one of those Mad-Lib books and is just putting in weird shit in the blanks.
Most annoying construction in Lexington:
a TIE between Nicholasville Road and South Broadway
Congratulations to all the politicians and workers for making my life a traffic stopping white knuckled HELL on earth!
Dude, I can just picture Bickett trying to pick out that Vanessa Carlton song. Fuck looking at him dirty, I'd have beat the shit out him!
I still can't decide whether or not I want to jump on the Avril Lavigne fan club band wagon. Some of her songs are catchy, some even interesting lyrically, but my GOD...she's trying so hard to be the anti-Britney/Christina that she's almost come full circle. She did sing at the Viper Room in LA so I have to give her credit for that. Also, I'm proud of her for wearing black bras and white wife-beaters. I swear that skinny little girl has been going through my damn closet...and I don't like how she looks. She also needs to tone down the black eye makeup. It's definately coon season.
mandypants [3:53 PM]
That "New Car" Smell
Ok, so I got bored today and I realize that it'll probably rain, but I wanted to get my car detailed. There's something about having a clean car. It's almost like you get a reprieve for all the sins you've ever committed and you can start over. The Mexicans that washed my car put some sort of air freshener in there and it smells so weird. Any of you that live close enough to me are more than welcome to come try to guess what it is. They called it "New Car" but I think it smells more like "weird library basement" or something else very spooky. I'll be taking bets on what the actual components of the scent are, and if you guess correctly you will win a free ass kicking from yours truly the very next time I see you and happen to be having a bad day. It's sort of like that guess the flavor of the white skittle game. Who knows?
So I'm talking to Chris Record and he goes off on me telling me to shut the fuck up that I'm depressed and upset and to quit wasting my time and writing ability on feeling sorry for myself. He wants me to compile a collection of writing and let him review it. If anyone else thinks this is a good idea, you're more than welcome to email me and tell me you'd like a copy if I actually do this. I'd have to throw some of my traditional Seinfeld-esque rants in there, along with some poems, and maybe a bit of lyrical writing for good measure. It's amazing that someone as full of discontent and angst such as myself hasn't published more than the few poems that I have. I'm surprised I'm not out on tour signing books yet. We shall see what the future holds for Kristen Amanda. For now, I'm looking for something to inspire me to the point that my pen absolutely bleeds. Bring it on.
I hope that today is one of those days for you when you actually stop to notice that the sky is blue and the world hasn't ended yet. Go get ice cream. You deserve it. You work hard. I love you. Stop biting your nails; it makes everyone around you crazy. Oh yeah, one more thing...before you ask a stupid question, read all signs in front of you. Chances are that if you'd take the time to read, the questions would already be answered. Damn, this is starting to sound like a horoscope...but I guess it's for all signs.
mandypants [3:29 PM]
Back in Black
I never thought I'd say it, but Donovan Hall feels like home. There's a few days space between when I'm stupposed to be out of my summer house and into my fall house, so Jordan (being the Super Roommate that she is) has graciously allowed me to make her life a hell for a few days. All my stuff is packed up and I can't ever find anything. I'm one of those people who thinks that everything has a place and it should always be there...I love to be organized...so this is pretty much making me insane. I can't find my journal. I can't find my stapler. It's really making me nuts. If I can make it to the first day of August, maybe I won't die.
GET THIS...I work in this museum...it's pretty cool because I get tons of time to just write and read. Perfect for me, really. Not this weekend though. Anybody know what a Breyer horse is? For those of us that played with horses when we were growing up, you already know. It's a model horse...they're about $50 each...and people collect them. There are some really sick people who actually dress the damn things up and have "horse shows" in which they will compete against the exact same damn horse! This is SICK! Moving on, this weekend is Breyerfest where I work and I have to be around these people all weekend. They are insane. They are like that neighbor you have who you knew was a bit quirky but you never thought would be a serial killer. These people blend in quite well, but the fact is that they are 30 year olds who still play with model horses. It's a disesase. It's annoying. It's BREYERFEST! God help me.
I've been talking to some of my best friends from high school, and we've decided what to do when we graduate. We're going to buy a bar and run the place...it'll be like our own little Coyote Ugly. They suggest that I be the DJ, and they have assigned various other positions such as bartender, bouncer, bookkeeping, and atmosphere upkeep to eachother. I think this is quite possibly the best idea we've had in ages. Almost as cool as that time in 7th grade when Jackie called me flipping out because Brad Kaufman was in her pool. I'll get to live with the people I love and we can watch each others backs...we'll be horribly intimidating to any suitors that may come calling. They'll have to pass strenuous interviews to be allowed to take anyone out. We can have a torture chamber under the club for anyone who steps out of line or gets too close. We'd be unstopable. We'll just pick a city where we can go to graduate school and run this club at night. I can already see the line forming at the door...and you've gotta dress to impress...haha!
Oh yeah, one other thing sucks about moving. I have 2 CD's in my car. That's IT. I have listened to them nonstop for the past week and I'm dying for something new. Feel free to send me presents. Oh wait...I don't know what my address is...nevermind.
I sent out an email to some people from my past a few weeks ago in a desperate attempt to keep touch with them...and some of them actually wrote back! It was amazing. Josh Luscombe reminded me of a skirt that I wore freshman year at Lone Oak and how someone said that I must be "kinky." He also reminded me of what a dork I was and still am. I've done some really stupid things in my life, all of which I am proud of. She who dies with the longest list of retarded things she's done wins. Catch me if you can!
It's almost time to go hang out with the serial killer horse collectors. You should all take a moment and pray that they don't get to me. Love and kisses to you all. Especiall if you're in England. What a lovely place to be....beats the hell out of Kentucky.
mandypants [11:46 AM]
Just felt like saying it...
I'd rather be anything but ordinary.
mandypants [1:02 AM]